I´ve left behind too many people. On nearly every continent I´ve had to say goodbye to somebody who I will never see again.
We say goodbye, shed tears, exchange kisses on the cheek. I tell them how much they´ve influenced me, how I couldn´t have survived in (insert name of new place) without them. I try to memorize their faces, their smiles, the way their eyes look when sparkling with tears.
I will never forget Olga, the teacher at Las Quebraditas primary school. I´ll never forget the way her strong hands kneaded the dough of pan dulce, the way she ever so patiently taught a school room full of developmentally-challenged children, forever with a smile on her face. I will never forget the way we´d look at each other and just laugh for no reason at all.
But she doesn´t know that I´ll never forget. In these isolated hills of Vallecillo, Honduras, keeping in touch is more than impossible. There´s no cell phone signal in Las Quebraditas, there´s no internet café, there´s not even a post office.
¨Can I have your phone number?¨Nathaniel asks me as we hug goodbye. I sigh and look away trying to find the right words to explain the pointlessness of giving him my number.
I tell him I know what will happen as it has happened before. I won´t have international minutes and he´ll rarely have a signal. When he does call, I´ll probably be in class, and it will be too expensive to call him back. He´ll think I´m ignoring him. He´ll think I´ve forgotten him. But that´s not the case.
Sylvanus, my mentor and closest friend in Accra, Ghana, probably thinks I´ve forgotten about him. He doesn´t know I think about him and the many wisdoms he taught me every day. Ronaldo, a boy I befriended five years ago in Olmué, Chile, probably thinks I´ve long forgotten his bright brown eyes and crooked smile. He doesn´t know that I still have the woolen winter hat he rashly threw through the bus window as a parting gift when I left for the airport.
¨When do you come back?¨ They always ask. I always say I don´t know, but maybe in a few years. I have no idea if I´ll return, my thirst to meet new people in new places will win out before I retrace my steps. And yet I tell them yes, in a few years I´ll return, and I will seek them out.
I promised my Ghanaian-host sister Barbara that when she has her first child, I´ll be there at the hospital. She sat loyally by my side in the hospital when I was sick with malaria, and one day I will return the favor. I will take care of her, take care of her children, tell them what an amazing woman their mother is.
If ever I do retrace the footsteps of my youth, I will surely drop in to remind the friends I´ve left behind that we are indeed still friends.
Today, I wished twenty children ¨bueno suerte¨(good luck) as they walked out the door of our last class with them. I looked at their big, brown eyes that practically fill their faces, their cheeks gleaming with dirt and snot. I tried to imagine them older, and I tried to imagine them happy, successful, well-educated.
It´s impossible for them to know that ¨bueno suerte¨ means so many things: that I´ll never be able to help them again with their numbers and therefore wish them luck in school; that I imagine the families they´ll have one day, and wish them luck with their spouses and their children´s futures; that I wish that one day, they´ll have the luck of remembering the few things we´ve taught them; that maybe they´ll learn English faster because we taught them the basics, and get a wonderful job in international politics.
By the time I leave Honduras, I´ll have said goodbye to nearly 200 children. I´ll have said goodbye to seven beautiful families. I´ll have said ¨bueno suerte¨ to them all.